Browsing All Posts filed under »Year 1: Paranoia«

Broken Slingshots – Paranoia #43943

January 2, 2012


The birds have gotten into architecture and construction. They have started building houses in the backyard. It’s a pain in the ass because the birds shit everywhere. They have been leaving half eaten worms all over the cars. They play loud music in the mornings and sometimes we even have to watch them chew food […]

Wrapped in Red Paper – Paranoia #88

December 25, 2011


The present wrapped in red paper was a gift from his wife. Every few moments the box would shake and he would hear the sound of a hungry stomach. Lately she had been asking him for a baby. No, he said. We don’t need any babies. She was not happy and he was certain that […]

Rumors of Spiders and Rodents – Paranoia #744

December 16, 2011


In the winter a sock that had disappeared from time to time returned.  I was happy to see him and he was happy to see me. You have been gone so long, I said. Yes, he said, I must apologize but I am home now. He shared all sorts of stories about his misadventures and […]

Do Not Disturb – Paranoia #403

November 16, 2011


This hotel is full of rooms and I think my room number was 1254 but now I am concerned that it may have been 1245 or maybe even 1524. The reason is that there is a light on in the room and I did not leave a light on and the noises are so loud […]

Nice Things Break – Paranoia #757

November 10, 2011


I am not allowed to have nice things because of the creatures living in the walls. That is what makes my birthday so terrible. If I get a nice set of whiskey glasses, for example, the creatures living in the walls will come out in the middle of the night and smash them. This is […]

A Small Trimming – Paranoia #749T

November 9, 2011


I have been threatening to shave the cat. I have gone so far as to buy hair clippers and to wave them in front of his face at random intervals. The problem with the cat is that he sleeps too much. The second problem with the cat is that he will not stop growing hair. […]

Dirty Fingers – Paranoia #216D

October 30, 2011


The children’s hands have been everywhere. This is my fault. I didn’t take things seriously enough. I could have stepped in when they started finger painting. That was the first sign. Now they have been picking their noses and scratching their butts and touching everything on the block. My backyard is covered with their prints. […]