Browsing All Posts filed under »Year 1: Curse«

Surgery – Curse #4934

December 29, 2011


He was laying on a cold metal table and his girlfriend was above him. Not this again, he said. She hovered with a scalpel and a rough outline of his anatomy that she had drawn herself. Yes, she said through a surgical mask. It is this again. She raised the scalpel menacingly. He burped with […]

Problems with Coal – Curse #8884

December 27, 2011


I found a huge sack of coal under the Christmas tree. The situation didn’t make any sense. I had been (somewhat) good all year long. I was so angry I used the coal to burn the Christmas tree down. When my girlfriend got home she started to freak out. What is wrong with you, she […]

Puppy Mill – Curse #43421

December 23, 2011


The wiener dogs were making out on the window sill.  You know what happens when mammals start to make out?  Babies.  Puppies in this case.  They had 300 puppies. They were running around all over the place, eating all of the meat and all of the cats.  Other dogs from the neighborhood were starting to […]

Fire in the Head – Curse #8885

December 21, 2011


He loaded up his favorite social network and made the following event. Event Name: Burn my Head Clean Off Date and Time: Tomorrow at 3pm. Location: Wherever you are. Details: Please set your alarms for 3pm. I know this is asking a lot, but bear with me. When the alarm goes off, please begin talking […]

Scooter Gangs – Curse #7421

December 20, 2011


Because the neighborhood parents hate their lives they bought all of their children scooters this year for Christmas. The kids immediately organized and formed scooter gangs. They have slingshots. They are going around the neighborhood shooting out windows and killing the cats and the squirrels. They have even been firing shots at the postal workers, […]

2-Ply – Curse #6667

December 19, 2011


The problem with the toilet paper is that there isn’t any. No one is happy when the toilet paper is gone. Who is going to go and get more, one of my roommates asks. Not me, I say. I have bought the last sixty rolls. We go through one a day.  It’s been two months. […]

Left at the Bar – Curse #8889

December 17, 2011


I finally noticed that there wasn’t another soul left in the bar. I was alone. The others had quit and gone to do things deemed more productive than practice the talent we had been honing for years.  This isn’t terrible, I thought. There was a give and take in any situation. For instance, there was […]