Browsing All Posts filed under »Year 1: Comfort«

Dancing Pups – Comfort #85343

December 30, 2011

2

The dogs have been depressed lately. This is sad for us because we love our dogs and we want to be loyal to them like they are to us. Unfortunately the dogs no longer want to be walked. This is what has been depressing them. They want to dance instead. We aren’t good dancers, but […]

Dating Land Owners – Comfort #4322

December 27, 2011

3

Before he would go out on a date he would run the girl’s name through the County Auditor’s website. He only dated land owners. This was crucial because he always feared that some day only land owners would be able to vote. This also provided valuable perspective. Bingo! This girl was a land owner. A […]

Addressing the Deficit – Comfort #83

December 22, 2011

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To help lower the deficit Congress passed a law that would place specific citizens on deserted islands with only two things of their choosing. When the suits came to my door I was not surprised. I had a lot of student loans that I couldn’t possibly pay back. I was a definite cost to the […]

The Blue Ribbon – Comfort #783

December 13, 2011

1

He had been drinking a lot of Pabst Blue Ribbon beer. ┬áBecause that specific brand of beer made him irresistible to women, and quite virile, he had fathered around thirty-two children by the time his friends and loved ones held an intervention. We think you need to stop drinking so much, they said. You should […]

The Bucket Room – Comfort #755

December 8, 2011

4

I have the stomach flu, so normally I couldn’t be bothered by the annual love poem fair. Alas, Shelly, the silver twinkle that fell to heaven with a heaving bosom of romance has asked that I attend and showcase my self alleged love poem skills. Of course I comply and by the time we hear […]

Scanners – Comfort #954

November 29, 2011

5

I stole a scanner and ran around scanning everything and everyone. There was a lot of useful information. I found out who was cheap and who was top shelf. More importantly I found out who wouldn’t scan and I targeted them for termination. Why did you do that, my manager asked. Because, I said, they […]

Small Huts in the Suburbs – Comfort #594

November 25, 2011

1

When the giant came out of the mountains we worshiped him as a god. He had a particular taste for pie and coffee. We ┬ábaked pies that took up entire swimming pools. We brought offerings of coffee by the truck load. We loved the giant, who would tell us stories that only giants knew. We […]