Browsing All Posts filed under »Year 1: Advice«

Interpreting the Painting – Advice #5353

December 28, 2011


The past hangs crooked on the wall, a painting bought at some yard sale or created with a blind fold. The painting is about the past. All paintings are about the past.  Begin to ask questions. Point at the figures wildly and say, was this one real? What about that one? And that one there? […]

How to Deal with a Problem School – Advice #23242

December 18, 2011


We have been so frustrated with the teachers and the children. The children make a lot of noise and will not eat the cafeteria food. The teachers keep teaching the same class over and over again, murmuring about how hard that stupid alphabet is. To punish the teachers and the children we have bused them to the […]

Uncomfortable Faces – Advice #7875

December 15, 2011


I was wearing a very uncomfortable face and with this woman who was not my wife but was not my girlfriend which made it alright. What is the matter with your face, she said. I have been eating a lot of sauerkraut and wondering about us, I said. I don’t want to hear about your diet, she […]

Warning Lesson – Advice #1243

December 11, 2011


This is a warning lesson, she said. I had been tricked. I thought we were going to the grocery store. I wanted sugar puffs and milk. Warning lesson isn’t a real phrase, I said. She pulled out a few items and left them on the trunk. This is your survival kit, she said. We were […]

Christmas Moose – Advice #999

December 10, 2011


The problem with page 46 is that there is no page 46.  This left a lot of questions regarding the care of the Christmas Moose.  We didn’t know that the Christmas Moose fed on children, otherwise we would have left him tied up in the yard.

Babies – Advice #763

December 2, 2011


There have been some people stealing babies lately. We have to stop the people from stealing babies, someone says. We need our babies, another person says. I say, I know we need the babies and the babies are great and they smell great and they will become great people and we were babies once too […]

How to Hide the Foundation – Advice #252

November 26, 2011


Hello little boy. What do you want to be when you grow up? Say what? An old house? An empty, old house? That’s a silly idea.  Someday the bulldozers will prowl the neighborhood. Someday the dozers will tear apart all the vacant houses to make way for new opportunities. Your only chance will be to […]