A Note to My Possible Love (or Maybe Enemy) Concerning My Whereabouts – Near Escape #57

Posted on January 7, 2014

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Ever since we spoke that one time (you remember the time?) when you told me that you thought you liked my smile and I said that I knew I liked your smile and you made that gesture of happiness, a sort of slouching posture accompanied with a grin.  Do you remember that? And then I leaned in and we kissed one of those very innocent first kisses. And then there was the next sentence out of your mouth, not the one where you were surprised that I ran away so quickly and shouted for me to stop and to turn around and come back, but the other one, where you said you liked me so much you could eat me up or maybe you said you could maybe love me someday or maybe that we were sworn enemies or maybe you just said we should go for a walk — that’s not important.  What is important is that I became afraid, as men (who are generally horrible cowards anyway) do, and ran off and started to practice the ancient art of hiding.  And so I am leaving you this note before you wake up to let you know that I have been watching you all night and that there were a few instances when you coughed in your sleep or you waited too long to breath and I panicked and started to ask myself what I would do without you but then of course you started to breath again and I moved some hair out of your face and kissed your cheek and left this note concerning my possible whereabouts.  I wanted to tell you that your love is not unrequited but that I am practicing this hiding thing for now and I think I am getting good at it, concealing myself under desks and inside walls and sometimes behind large people or trees.  I am afraid for now that our love must be from afar, thinking and dreaming and questioning and maybe sometimes your stomach growling, until I am sure you did not mean that you would eat me but rather that I made a mistake and misheard your words and that you actually meant you wanted to be with me, never to eat me.

I have gotten so good at hiding that sometimes I am in a crowd and you are there and I am wearing a mask and you do not know it but I walk past you and we briefly brush shoulders and I apologize in a strange accent and you smile and say no problem and those moments are the moments which make my day worth waking and eating and seeking and possibly even loving.

photo (13)

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Posted in: Near Escape