Devil on the Right Shoulder – Solution #9

Posted on January 3, 2014

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I encountered some bad luck.  I lost my job as a bank teller and became a paperboy. I lost my paper route not long after that. No one reads on paper anymore, the Paper Man explained.

What now, I said.

Get a headhunter, the Paper Man said.  Then he shot himself.

I hired a Headhunter.

She found me a job as a “Right Shoulder”.  This is a recession proof gig, the Headhunter said.

I had been drinking a lot lately so I didn’t really care what the job was.  Seeing the Paper Man off himself made me feel more desperate about living.

Perfect, I said.

The job was easy and fun at first. I had to follow people around and whisper all these bad ideas into their ears. This was great because I tended to be full of a lot of bad ideas.

That bartender isn’t paying attention, I whispered into my client’s ear. You should break a plate, I said.

Okay, he said. He broke the plate.  The bartender came over and we ordered six shots of tequila with training wheels.

Let’s bite some people, I said. Let’s give ourselves a haircut, I murmured.  You should fall in love and marry someone tonight, I said.  Make a baby, I said.

My client said, okay, okay, okay, okay.

This went on for a few months. My checks were full of million dollar bonuses. Most of my clients were ran into the ground kicking and screaming and left full of nothing.  You’re a devil, some would say.

Stop being a sissy, I would say.

I got bored. I started to wonder where the “left shoulder” was.  If I was a devil, where were the angels.  Turned out that most of those guys were laid off during the recession.  Eventually I applied for a job as a Barista and started to go to church on Sunday.

photo (11)

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Posted in: Solutions