A Note Left Concerning My Office – Problem #2

Posted on March 14, 2013

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To whom it may concern,

I leave the light off so that you do not think I am in my office.  Sometimes I nap under my desk. Other times I am just hiding because I really don’t want to talk to you.

I suspect you have become suspicious, because you have begun to hang those plastic stars that glow in the dark in my office. So now when I turn out my light and begin to nap, I see all of these fucking stars on the wall and hanging from the ceiling.

That is a really shitty thing to do. Do you know how scary the cosmos are? They are massive and we are so small. You ass. You have also ruined my office’s Zen, which took many years and a few interior designers to create.

Anyways, I can’t let this go unpunished, so I have begun to torture and kill the stars that you have left behind.  First I use a stapler, but when that isn’t satisfying enough, I get a hammer and then later a paper cutter.

Oh well. They are dead now. I’m leaving their bodies here in the kitchen with this note.

Do not come looking for me anymore. If the light is off, assume I am out at a meeting. I’m honestly a very unlikable man. Are you slow or something? When we are young we are taught to leave things that live in the dark alone.

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Posted in: Problems