Summer Fashion – Little Rule #4

Posted on June 24, 2012


Moustaches are everywhere this summer. Once only men who were fifty would grow a mustache but it has become this season’s style and even the wall art on the bathroom wall has them. I am terrified of moustaches. Some nights I dream that a very thick moustache has grown into my nose and into my mouth and is suffocating me. Also, I don’t trust moustaches. I am afraid that if I look in my bathroom mirror another man will be there and I will no longer exist, only some moustache impostor.

My very beautiful girlfriend has told me to grow a moustache, or else.

She has said, if you do not grow the moustache you will not be loved, and everyone wants to be loved.

I said, but what if I am not myself and I am instead some impostor or that this moustache suffocates me to death?

I will love you either way, she says, and I want your moustache to be larger than the boyfriends of my friends and I want it to curl at the ends and I want to braid it and I want it now.

I hate this summer’s fashion. I can only hope that winter involves shedding or turtlenecks or plain loneliness.