Junk Mail – Tiny Fear #3

Posted on January 13, 2012


My girlfriend has left but the mailbox is still outside.  The post office went bankrupt and so there isn’t any new mail but the box is still hanging out. Someone came and took my girlfriend away. He was a pediatric cardiologist. He was a nice guy. Told me that he was worried about me and to have my cholesterol checked. The mailbox has no purpose in life so he has been trying a lot of new things to feel better about place and time.  The first change the mailbox made was to paint himself a new color. He went with puke green. I don’t care for it much. After a dozen other small changes the mailbox began smoking cigars and drinking rum.  I like to get up early to set up the sprinklers and water the lawn. I have this house that we bought, me and my girlfriend.  I have noticed that the squirrels have started to disappear. The grass looks good though. I’m concerned that the mailbox is eating the squirrels. I don’t have any evidence, but he has run out of junk mail and needs to eat something. The diet must be good. He is starting to get thinner.  Maybe I should eat squirrels too. Where is all the junk mail? Junk mail breeds quickly. Those abandoned post offices must be filled to the brink. I wonder if they have become cannibalistic. I hope they have not developed teeth or digestive acids. The government will need to protect us before they grow strong and begin to venture out of the empty post offices. Soldiers and flame throwers. Then maybe we can get rid of these drunk, sketchy mailboxes. I was expecting a love letter, maybe an apology or a plea to take her back, but love letters are weak and I am sure that it was chased down and eaten by the junk mail early on.