Broken Slingshots – Paranoia #43943

Posted on January 2, 2012


The birds have gotten into architecture and construction. They have started building houses in the backyard. It’s a pain in the ass because the birds shit everywhere. They have been leaving half eaten worms all over the cars. They play loud music in the mornings and sometimes we even have to watch them chew food and spit it into their babies’ mouths. Now they are going above and beyond houses and have begun construction on their first bird bath, a place where birds do terrible things to each other. I have tried to hire out a cat, but it seems that all the good cats have been taken by other people with the same problem. Instead I have purchased a slingshot and plan on attacking them shortly. My wife tells me no, that I cannot go out and kill the birds. Think about the money it will save us on groceries, I tell her. No, she says, I am not eating birds and you are not killing the birds. She breaks my slingshot. I should have suspected that my wife was a double agent, but the birds got that one past me. And that’s how the divorce began.

Posted in: Year 1: Paranoia