Rumors of Spiders and Rodents – Paranoia #744

Posted on December 16, 2011

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In the winter a sock that had disappeared from time to time returned.  I was happy to see him and he was happy to see me.

You have been gone so long, I said.

Yes, he said, I must apologize but I am home now.

He shared all sorts of stories about his misadventures and love life.  He had spent a great deal of time in the basement, behind the washing machine. Did you know that there are spiders and rodents down there and that they hate us, he asked.

I have not heard such rumors, I said. But then again, I said, not many of your brothers and sisters wander off for long periods of time, disappearing in the wash, completely ignoring social mores.

The winter had been difficult on me. It had changed my demeanor. In his absence I had become a tyrant. I declared the sock a deserter and that he would be executed by firing squad.

Before they riddled him with bullets, we let the sock smoke a final cigarette. There was a look of terror on his face as the bullets hit him. The other socks were horrified but at the same time entertained by the way in which his sock body danced as if he had been manufactured to be a sock puppet ballerina.

Because it was winter, and because this winter was very cold, we burnt his corpse for warmth. Ever since that execution the other socks stick around or have the sense not to come back. I think this may be the key to having a good relationship. It may also have something to do with the rumors of spiders and rodents.

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Posted in: Year 1: Paranoia