Uncomfortable Faces – Advice #7875

Posted on December 15, 2011

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I was wearing a very uncomfortable face and with this woman who was not my wife but was not my girlfriend which made it alright. What is the matter with your face, she said.

I have been eating a lot of sauerkraut and wondering about us, I said.

I don’t want to hear about your diet, she said. You eat like shit and you are what you eat.

That’s not nice, I said. That’s not nice.

I’m sorry, she said. I love you, even though.

What does that mean, I said. I love you even though?

Although you can look at me and think that I am only one person, the truth is that a very old man lives in my heart and he takes things personally and sometimes phrases like “I love you even though” affect him greatly. I am generally a bright, happy young man, but the old man in my heart makes me very grumpy.

Don’t be sensitive, she said.

I took out a jar of sauerkraut. I’m going to tell you all about eating sauerkraut, I said. I dug into the jar and devoured it and I taught her about eating sauerkraut and wearing an uncomfortable face and about wives and girlfriends and other things that make the face suffer.

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Posted in: Year 1: Advice