Job Ads – Curse #2277F

Posted on November 1, 2011

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I answered a job ad. So correct me if I am wrong, I said. You want me to sit in one of these four crates and wait for some game show contestant to come and pick a box?

Yes, the hiring manager said. He was wearing a suit.

What happens if they pick my crate, I said.

Well, the suit said, you go away.

Go away, I said. Go away where?

That isn’t important, he said. We are paying you well. We can even offer limited dental.

He sensed my hesitation. Come right this way, he said. Look inside. We have blankets and pillows, he said, as if that would sell me.

Amazing, I shouted. A nap and I get paid? Sold!

I needed the money. I climbed into crate number 3 to nap. When I woke up I could hear the contestant outside.

What do I want, the contestant said. I can’t decide. I can’t pick just one. I don’t know what I want.

God, I thought. What a bastard. He had all the luck in the world yet there he was moaning. I couldn’t be too hard on him, though. A lot of people didn’t know what they wanted. There were far too many choices to ever truly be satisfied. I kept a list of the things I wanted. First I wanted to make some money. Then I wanted to use that money to buy a whole lot of other stuff that was on my list. Like an IPad and feta cheese.

Two, said the contestant. No! Wait. Three! No! Four! No! Three. I want Three!

My lousy luck, I said. Now I was going to go away to god knew where. I always picked terribly, everything from haircuts to women to screen names. I made a promise to myself. I was going to stop answering job ads on the internet.

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Posted in: Year 1: Curse