Dirty Fingers – Paranoia #216D

Posted on October 30, 2011


The children’s hands have been everywhere. This is my fault. I didn’t take things seriously enough. I could have stepped in when they started finger painting. That was the first sign. Now they have been picking their noses and scratching their butts and touching everything on the block. My backyard is covered with their prints. They have left smudge marks on my car windows and on the front door knob. I know they have been through the refrigerator. I am missing several bottles of beer and milk and some string cheese. No one will listen to me. I have been going door to door and warning the parents that their children have formed some sort of hand cult. I told the parents of little Shirley, whom I suspect is the seven year old cult leader, that their child is to blame for this whole thing and to ground her from Dora the Explorer. I have placed larger locks on my doors. Their thumb prints are all over the place. It’s only a matter of time before they figure out how to pick locks or climb down the chimney. Now they are sending me emails asking me why I won’t be their friend. Why can’t they come in and touch my things, they ask politely. You have very nice things, they write.


Posted in: Year 1: Paranoia