Excuses – Comfort #7

Posted on October 18, 2011


Often times I find myself waking up from a good drugging outside the Office of Marriage Licenses. The person who drugged me is always in the bathroom or off getting coffee, waiting for me to wake up and marry her. The fact of the matter is that I can’t. One of the little known facts about getting married is that you have to have a blood test done. I don’t have any blood. I replaced my blood with coffee a long time ago and my productivity increased 95%.  Another reason I cannot get married is that the last time I was at the Office of Marriage Licenses, I learned that my parents did not have a certificate on file. This means they were never married. This means I am a bastard and it ruins the entire image of marriage for me.  Another consideration is the IRS. Most people get married for the tax reduction, but my taxes are doing quite fine on their own. If I were to get married I might need an accountant, and I hear they can be angry and expensive and sometimes spit. I usually sneak away before my would be wife comes back. This would be wife is getting feral, perhaps because there are not enough eligible suitors. We are in a job crisis. Not everyone has coffee for blood. Not everyone is employable.

Posted in: Year 1: Comfort