Litter Boxes – Advice #551

Posted on October 13, 2011


Some people have been feeding the birds. By some people I mean that I have been feeding the birds. I have been giving them pizzas and cheeseburgers and tacos and old clothes that I have outgrown (I am sixty three years old and still growing). I never saw the sign that said do not feed the birds. This was important advice, but because I am seventy eight years old I cannot read things very well. I wish someone had said something when they saw me bringing six large pizzas to feed the birds. The reason you are not to feed the birds is that the birds have co-dependent personalities. Now we’re in a relationship. The birds are calling me after hours. I think it’s the birds, anyway. I am eighty nine years old, so it is difficult for me to hear who is on the other line, but I am sure it is the birds. They are following me now. I will go to have a cup of coffee at a Cafe and there they are, watching, begging with their eyes for a double cheeseburger with extra pickles. The relationship is growing difficult for me. I am losing my hair. While many relationships come with a cost, this one is making me feel old and sickly. I am a hundred and three today. Someone bought me a cake but the birds will not even let me blow the candles out. They are already dipping their wings into the icing and stealing a taste. I need to buy a cat. I just hate litter boxes.


Posted in: Year 1: Advice