Stress Training – Comfort #300

Posted on October 7, 2011

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Human resources contacted me today. They said that they were seriously concerned. You never seemed to be stressed, they said. My parents and my wife had also called to complain. So had all of my clients. Apparently not being stressed made other people, who were already stressed, very nervous.  To keep my job I was going to be required to attend a Stress Training. They were going to make me a terrible mess. You like that hair of yours, they said. It’s going to go white. It’s going to fall out, they said.  At the end of the training I was told that I would have to take up drinking. I was hoping I would be a classy drunk. The kind that drinks scotch and smokes cigars while listening to the blues. I didn’t want to be stressed, but I had to do what the people around me wanted. If everyone else was going to jump off a bridge, I’d have to watch and take notes, and then leap too. That’s peer pressure. It was why I had a secret piercing, a 401k, and a few student loans.

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Posted in: Year 1: Comfort