Christmas Begins in July This Year – Budget Cut #18

Posted on July 21, 2011

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The city decided that Christmas would be cheaper in July. The comptroller produced a complex formula that showed how elves were more expensive in lower temperatures than they were in higher temperatures. Apparently work was hard for elves to find in July, whereas in December there were plenty of jobs and very few elves. This caused the price of a good elf to increase by 500%.

The city planner, always a forward thinking kind of lady, thought the idea had some merit. There were a lot a vacant and foreclosed homes that needed people to live in them. We will kill two birds with one stone, she said. The comptroller pointed out that they had fired all of the birds in a prior budget cut, so there were none to kill, but that he appreciated her support.

The next day the Janitors began pulling out Santa Claus signs and hanging Christmas lights around the city. Visitors to the city would say, look at that. July and they’re already getting out the holiday decorations. They are like a department store. It’s not even Thanksgiving. And it’s a 106 degrees outside. How will frosty the snowman survive? And where are all these elves coming from?

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