The Design of Emergency Assistance Boxes – Curse #441G

Posted on July 17, 2011


The design of the emergency assistance box was misleading. There were two buttons. He pressed the info button, thinking that was the logical first move.

Hello, information, the box said.

Yes, he said. I’m being chased. This is an emergency. I need the police.

Hold on, the box said. I need to look at the instruction manual. I’ll have more information for you shortly.

Look this is important, he said. I’m being chased by an angry pregnant woman. I need you to PLEASE send the police.

Pregnant woman, the box said thoughtfully. Why is a pregnant woman chasing you?

I ate her pickles and sour cream milkshake, he said. I’m poor and I stole it.

That’s disgusting, the box said.

I didn’t know she was pregnant, he said.

No, the box said. That anyone would actually eat that.

LOOK, he said. She’s going to be here any minute. She’s freakishly strong. I barely escaped.

Let me look up pregnant woman in the manual’s index, the box said.

OH GOD, he screamed. She’s here! I see her coming. She’s here!!!

Page 89, the box said. And please, sir, stop screaming.

I don’t know what to do, he said.

It says that you should throw raw meat at her, the box said. The theory is that she is incredibly hungry.

Oh god, he said. I don’t have any raw meat. I don’t have anything!

The pregnant woman was upon him, biting into his shoulder, calling out with a shrill sound. She was eating for two.

Posted in: Year 1: Curse