Driven Apes – Curse #225E

Posted on July 9, 2011


I’m driving around with this suicidal monkey that keeps telling me that he is really an ape and not a monkey at all. His right foot is clutching the door handle. The child-lock is on, I say. You must stop trying to get out, I scold. I tell him that we are headed to the Zoo where they will give him counseling and drugs. His ears perk up at the mention of drugs. He goes OOOO OOOO OOO. Are you addicted to drugs, I say. OOOO OOO OOO, he says. I think he may be addicted to Oxycontin. I say for the fifth time, why are you depressed, Monkey. OOO OOO OOO, he says. There is this idea of monkeys being happy creatures that originates from a mixture of youth and Saturday morning cartoons. Maybe that is why I am trying to save this one, who is nothing like what I believe monkeys should be like. He is a dirty, messy creature that abuses drugs, a creature that has been living on the streets and has tried to off himself with a cardboard knife. I make up a reason for his depression in my imagination, something romantic. When we get to the Zoo the Zookeepers look at me incredulously. This isn’t a monkey, they say. This is a gorilla. And he’s high! What is he high on? What have you been doing to this gorilla? Monkeys, Gorillas, apes, what is the difference, I say. Then they start talking about the authorities and jail time and so I leave the depressed monkey and I escape to the gift shop. I buy a monkey suit and I use it to sneak out of the zoo, right past the police.

Posted in: Year 1: Curse