Special Delivery – Paranoia #31

Posted on June 26, 2011


I have been stalking the mailman because I think he may be having an affair with my wife. There has been far too much junk mail arriving for one household. I have asked my wife if she is having an affair with the mailman but she is a clever creature and admits nothing. I have gone to the post office to file a complaint but the post master claims that their isn’t enough money in the post office budget to conduct an investigation. What are you talking about, I ask the post master. How do you not have money? Everyone has to mail things. Turns out not many people are mailing things. They prefer email, the post master tells me. No one wants to mail letters these days, he says. We are a government run advertising service, he says. I am depressed that the post office is going bankrupt, that no one likes to mail letters anymore, and that my wife may be having an affair with the mailman. What about Leave it to Beaver, I say to myself. What about Americana? It’s all falling apart, I say. Today is Thursday and I am certain that this is one of the days that my wife sees her lover, the mailman, because we get more junk mail on this day than on any other. I am sick of tire advertisements and the J.C. Penny’s catalog and all those post cards asking for my money.

Posted in: Year 1: Paranoia