How to Carry Five Million – Advice #534

Posted on June 15, 2011


I held a check for five million dollars. I had expected to be stopped by the old man who sells magical beans but he wasn’t interested. I showed the check to everyone I passed. Hey, I said. Look here. Five million smackeroos. No one seemed to be impressed. I stopped a little girl and showed her the check. Look here, little girl, five million dollars, I said. That’s nothing, she said. She said, you need at least ten to make a difference. I took a picture of the check with my phone and I sent it to my girlfriend. She called crying hysterically. Is that all, she said. She said, we can’t support children on that! I was beginning to worry about trivial matters, such as the fact that someone had trusted me a check for five million dollars to begin with. I was deeply concerned about the effects of inflation on morale and suspicious that my girlfriend might be pregnant. I began to crave ten million dollars instead of five million dollars and fell into a rhythmic desperation.

Posted in: Year 1: Advice