The Buzz of Light – Comfort #137

Posted on June 12, 2011


I said, I hate you.

The light did not respond. It simply made a robotic insect hum from the ceiling and continued to shine.

I remained on the bed and ran down a list of fifty ways to kill a light. Of these, I picked the easiest one. I dialed the number for the electric man.

Yes? Happy Fortune, can I take your order?

Wrong number, I said. But I’ll take an order of Egg Feng Shui. I gave them the address and hung up. I re-dialed the electric man.

Yeah, this is Harry’s Electrogizmos. What do you want?

Harry, I said,  it’s me again. I have a bad light problem.

Larry, said Harry, I told you not to call anymore. I said that a light being on isn’t a serious electrical problem. I said I was going to rip your right ear off and scream in it if you didn’t get me. You get me, Larry? You get me, you jack ass? No. No. Don’t worry. I’m coming over. I’m going to tear your damn ear off. I’m coming, Larry. I’m gonna be there, LLLLARRRY.

Click. Harry hung up.  The light continued to hum as if to personally attack my failed efforts. Who the hell left you on, I said. Who the hell? And why do you make that damn noise? You think you’re special? You’re a light!

The door bell rang six times. I waited. The door pounded seven times. I waited.

Delivery, the Chinese delivery boy yelled.

Oh, I yelled, good!  It’s open, I said. In here. Get the money on the dresser. Leave the food. Hey, do you know anything about electricity?

No, he said. He took the money and sat the Chinese food down. He began to leave.

I said, hey!

He stopped and turned. He said, what?

Turn the light off, you little jack ass.

He gave me the finger and turned off the light.

I got out of bed five minutes after he left.  I couldn’t see anything, so I flipped the light switch on. I got a plate and a fork and sat down to devour the noodles that would one day lead to my death.

Posted in: Year 1: Comfort