When You Leave a Room – Comfort #995

Posted on May 23, 2011


Last weekend I found a bear and a yeti in my bedroom. They were taking turns spanking each other. They had been bad. Really, really bad. That is how they explained it to me.

Apparently the bear and the yeti have been coming into my bedroom whenever I go out to get groceries or pick up the dry cleaning or celebrate existence with absurd amounts of whiskey. From what I understand, their kind does this frequently. Whenever you go out to the movies, as shocking as this may seem, there are human sized animals that sneak into your house. Bulls and zebras and aardvarks and even unicorns.

There is another world out there that we normal people know nothing about. For example, maybe you drive down to the pier and while you are standing on the pier thinking that life would be more interesting as a minnow, these huge animals are crawling in thru your window and spanking each other for being terrible little shits. And maybe you get home earlier than they thought you would. And maybe there you are, walking in to find these furry creatures on your bed wailing on each other.  Of course they stop immediately and gather their things, a whip and some sour cream, and give an apology for being caught. It won’t happen again, they say. But now you know the truth and you know you need to fix the locks on the windows and buy new sheets.

The point is there are exciting things going on when you leave a room. Things that are more exciting than you know. Things you maybe aren’t interested in. But then again maybe you are very into these sorts of things. Or maybe you are just very,very bored or very, very drunk. Maybe you are lonely and have nothing else. Maybe Animal Planet is playing reruns again. Maybe you like the way a bear’s fur tickles your nose, or the scent of a bad yeti.