Mother Comes to Visit – Comfort #1

Posted on April 25, 2011

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Someone is stealing my floor, says the tenant. Someone is taking the carpet and the wood is next and you won’t even help me. And I’m scared, Mr. Smith. I’m scared!

Look, says the landlord, Mr. Smith. If you aren’t doing it, I don’t know who is. But you’re going to lose your deposit. You’re going to lose your deposit if you don’t get the floor in order.

In the last several weeks someone has been stealing the tenant’s floor. The carpet has nearly been stripped clean from the wooden frame.

Maybe you have a prankster in your building, says the tenant’s sister.

Maybe there is a floor monster in there, eating and eating, says the tenant’s young nephew.

Not helpful, says the tenant.

Soon he fears that the exposed wood will begin to disappear. One night he will wake up to get a cup of water and find himself falling through a hole in the floor, waking the neighbors with a crash, possibly breaking his neck. And worse of all, he worries about his beautiful deposit. He will never see his deposit again.

Well, I sprayed, says the exterminator. But I don’t see any sign of termites. Besides that, termites don’t eat carpet you know.

Not helpful, says the tenant.

There are certain things that the tenant knows. He does not have a friend who would be clever enough to pull off such a practical joke, and Mr. Smith is not renovating any of the units in the building.  This leaves only the floor monster, who may be living under his bed or in the closet or behind the couch. He will set some bear traps and see if the floor continues to disappear. If that does not work, he will call his mother and have her come and visit for a few months. Mother always knows how to chase away the monsters and how to replace carpet and will even spruce up the apartment with a few potted plants and the smell of a home-cooked meal.

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Posted in: Year 1: Comfort