Weight Loss – Curse #456

Posted on March 27, 2011


There was this diet called the turkey diet. Being overweight, he decided to eat nothing but turkey for six months. Turkey bacon was his favorite, though not as tasty as pig bacon.  Occasionally he snuck in Turkey Hill ice cream as a reward.

The weight loss was rapid. By the end of the first month he had lost twenty pounds. His wife commented on how fit he seemed, and made some terrible joke that went something like, ha ha ha ha is this Thanksgiving?  This made their kids, who were sitting at the table enjoying real pig bacon, feel awkward as the wife petted the husband on the head and growled.

By the third month he had lost more weight, about sixty pounds worth of muscle and fat. His boss was concerned for his well being, asking if he had noticed that he was beginning to shrink down to five foot two. He said that of course he had noticed, that it was nothing to worry about, and that he was still getting the job done.

The fourth month was when the feathers began to sprout. They weren’t that uncomfortable at first, except around his rear, which made it difficult to sit for long periods of time. His mother called one night, said that his wife was concerned because of the feathers and that he was starting to make gobbling noises in his sleep. Non-sense, he told her, people are just jealous of what I’m accomplishing. I look fabulous.

In October he became a full fledged turkey. A lot of people still accepted him as long as he kept his “business” in the bushes and didn’t peck very hard. What he had not realized was that his neighbor was on a very exotic diet — wolf meat. Near the end of October Thanksgiving came early for the Wolf next door.  Diets rarely work as planned, and the wolf was gaining weight at a terrible pace as neighborhood dogs and cats and turkeys went missing.