Instructions for Confined Spaces – Advice #11782D

Posted on March 16, 2011

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Instructions #1: Stay calm. Remember that he claims to be doing this for your own good and would likely not let you starve or make you stand in urine for long.

Instructions #2: If you are frightened and begin to hallucinate with fear, hide your face in a corner. This will minimize the amount of space snakes or monsters can occupy. You will find more oxygen in this crevice. Take a deep breath.

Instructions #3: If you begin to scream, do not scream for help. Instead, scream at him like a bear roars at a stranger in its den. Let him know he is a bastard.

Instructions #4: Once you have encountered denial, then anger, and finally acceptance, take time to meditate on what led to this current predicament. You have plenty of time.

Instructions #5: Devise several methods for delivering a bitter revenge. There is always fire, but emotional manipulation can be more effective against men.

Instructions #6: When he opens the door and asks if you have had enough, consider the implications. If you say yes, that you are very sorry you were a bad girl, he will release you. If you say no, that he can go to hell, you can continue to be a bad girl with dignity intact.

Instructions #7: If you can trick him into the space, do so. Having no where to go will give you a chance to confront the ever elusive problems that haunt your shared life. Too much open space encourages procrastination, encourages retreat.

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Posted in: Year 1: Advice