On Becoming 80% Robot – Advice #17C

Posted on March 12, 2011



He has never once thought about his mortality until he is half way through year 27. This is when he receives a very gruesome paper cut and recognizes an eventual death. Luckily, he thinks to himself, I am living in the 21st century. By the time I am 70, he says, I want to be 80% robot.


He is having a fight at year 35. The fight is not like a street fight, but worse, a domestic tangle that involves his girlfriend who is very upset that he is having all of his teeth removed. He pulls out a black board to defend his position. There are several diagrams showing how he plans on becoming 80% robot by year 70.  He slaps the board with a pointer stick, somewhere near a sketch of a man’s face. These, he says, are teeth. They are organic. I want to be robot. You knew this coming into the relationship. This is the next step. I need your support.

She tells him, I’ve always thought that was some quirky trait of yours. I didn’t know you would go through with it. Not really. I was just humoring you.


He is at a book signing during year 49. He is about to reach the 50% mark on his transition. So far he has a mechanical stomach, robot eyes, and two incredibly strong titanium fists. While signing autographs a toddler shyly says, “Robots don’t die and all your friends and family will die. What about you?”


At year 700 he is approximately 99% robot. He has managed to replace everything with top of the line robotic parts, but there is still this 1% that he cannot figure out. If he could he would replace it. On days when he allows his logic circuit to shut down, he thinks for a fleeting moment, that it may be a sense of loneliness. But that is not possible, because loneliness requires a human heart and his is made of titanium alloy.

Posted in: Year 1: Advice