Fortunes – Curse # 6491

Posted on March 10, 2011


She had been cracking open the fortune cookies, living one tiny piece of paper to the next. To her, these were instructions from the highest power. If the fortune said that she should be more assertive, she would send her lattes back (because no one can make those right, anyway).  If it said she would meet a tall, dark stranger, she would send e-mails on her dating website to all of the men who were over five foot eleven and had black hair.

Eating Chinese food every day for the last ten years did little for her figure. One day, around 800 pounds, she opened a cookie and was frightened to find only half a fortune. She panicked. What did the fortune mean? Was it saying to take Park Avenue back to the office, or maybe stop eating so much General Tso? This is terrible, she bellowed at the restaurant’s ceiling. She stood, causing her table to fall over. Roaring, she attacked a lion statue as her waitress rushed to calm her.

From the corner of the restaurant an older man observed and shook his head. If he knew about her habit of living fortune to fortune, he would have thought that children these days did not know how to handle decision making, and he would have put her in time out.  Or he would have thought that maybe if she had added ‘in bed’ to the end of each fortune, she would have been a lot more satisfied with life, and a few hundred pounds lighter.