Toasters – Curse #753

Posted on March 7, 2011


There are two toasters in my house, which means I must execute one. We are living in a recession, and I cannot afford to let the neighbors think I am enjoying excess. One of the toasters has been with me for ten years. The other is not very old but belonged to an ex-girlfriend. My wife does not like the younger toaster because of this, which puts some degree of political pressure on my decision. The older toaster has been very faithful all these years, but burns my toast, unable to perform with any degree of adequacy.

The dilemma is that I know I’m going to have to cull the younger toaster. Not out of reason, but out of the fact that my wife is bigger than me, much bigger, and owns several heavy rolling pins. If she were not a giant, I would destroy the older toaster without hesitation. But politics always trumps reason, even if it means burnt toast for possibly ever.