She tells me that she’s disappointed I’m not going to dust these stairs we have in our home.
I say, I’m sorry.
She tells me that I don’t need to apologize. She’s just bummed.
I tell her I’m not really apologizing.
She says, well maybe you should stop being a sarcastic jerk then.
I say, I’m not being a jerk. It’s like if someone dies and you say, “I’m sorry” even if you aren’t REALLY sorry because you didn’t do anything. You just understand the situation, I say. I’m empathetic, I say.
She tells me to screw myself. That I’m not empathetic at all.
I tell her, crap, I think she might be right. I tell her that I’m still not doing the stairs, though.
And then she says fine and pushes me down the stairs. As I lay there, on the hardwood floor, I feel a deep empathy for the stuffed animals of the world, the ones that kids throw around and sometimes toss down one or two flights of stairs.
jfn2nd
February 11, 2011
Very deep!
You are twisted, but brilliant! I’m glad to have discovered your blog.
screen_scribbla
February 11, 2011
Hahahahaha… sorry to hear about your misfortune.
sparrowsong
February 11, 2011
That moose is so cute!
anwa
February 11, 2011
That’s why complete sociopathy is always better. Never admit that you might possibly even pretend to feel (let alone express) anything akin to empathy.
Evelyn
February 11, 2011
I have to agree, that is an adorable little animal…
I like the “form” of this…
Totally fun as usual.
Burton M.
February 12, 2011
The last few lines were unexpected yet fitting, a combination often found in examples of excellent writing.