Don’t Drink the Water – Advice #901Y

Posted on January 13, 2011


The Newcomer is greeted as he steps from the ferry. Well, well, look here, says the Greeter, a Newcomer.

The Newcomer says, my god, man, you look ancient.

Old as rocks, the Greeter sneers.

The Newcomer asks, where am I?

If I could give you one piece of advice, the Greeter says, following the greeting policy, don’t drink the water.

I would like a drink of water, says the Newcomer. I am very thirsty.

The Greeter inquires, how’d you go?  It is his job to seem concerned for newcomers.

You’d never believe me, the Newcomer says, patting his clothes in search of cigarettes.

The Greeter says, how’d you go?

A woman, replies the Newcomer.

I don’t believe you, the Greeter laughs wildly and slaps his belly. Too many people say they go that way. It’s a filthy lie.

The Newcomer is offended and says insistently, she drove me to the edge.

Okay, the Greeter says in a defeated tone.  I believe you.

What a long, long fall, the Newcomer sighs as he continues to search for a pack of cigarettes he is sure he has somewhere.

The Greeter asks, sharp rocks at the bottom,? Bet it hurt like… The Greeter holds his tongue.

Never saw the rocks, the Newcomer mutters, irritated by his fruitless search.

The Greeter cannot hold it in any longer and blurts, HELL!

So you might say the fall got me, not the woman, the Newcomer says.

No, no. The woman got you, the Greeter cackles. She got you good, fella.

The Newcomer asks, where can I get a cigarette down here?

You wouldn’t believe how I died, the Greeter teases.

Hoping to win a cigarette, the Newcomer asks, how’d you die?

The Greeter says, you’d never believe me.

I’ll believe you, says the Newcomer.

The Greeter says, carcinogens from Twinkies.

The Newcomer asks in disbelief, the creamy filling of goodness?

The cancer, the Greeter scowls maliciously. Ate my stomach clean out.

I need a cigarette, the Newcomer realizes.

The Greeter asks, ferryman didn’t offer you any? It’s ferry policy.

No, the Newcomer says.

Not surprised, the Greeter says.

Who throws down around here? I neeeeeeeeeeeeed a cigarette, the Newcomer whines.

We’re all down around here, the Ferryman states matter of factly.

The Newcomer asks, where am I?

All very down, the Greeter says.  Down, down, down. Seasonal Affective at times.

The Newcomer says, I need to be going. Do you have any parting advice, my new friend?

Don’t drink the water, the Greeter says.

I would, says the Newcomer, very much like a drink of water.