Annual Inventory – Curse #2

Posted on December 30, 2010


I have one doctor on the phone, asking about my two medications.  I have two bank accounts, two cars,  two apartments, two cell phones, two masks, and two health insurance policies. I have two medical bills, one for a surgery that removed a splinter from my brain. The second is for a stay at Pleasant Acres.  I think that there is another me walking around, somewhere, so I will list him too.

I have one girlfriend who claims to be three people: a police officer, a dancer, and a serial killer. They fight with each other three times a week, once a week with me, for a total of four fights. That leaves the weekend to recover, kiss, and make up. I have one wife, but she does not live in this country or on this planet. She is also unpleasant to look at, as most space creatures seem to be.

I have two cats and two coats, though these days none of those four items suit me. I have nine fingers, I lost one while bowling. I misplaced one of my ten toes, but I found it yesterday in the bath tub.

I have a steel hammer, a set of pliers, and a sharp knife. I have a closet, but it is full at the moment. I will not list the contents of the closet, not even if you ask me.

I have made two mistakes in my life – one was tragic and the other was running a traffic light.

Sometimes, no matter which apartment I stay at, there are people that throw parties in my living room at night.  They sing karaoke and dance stupidly all evening.  In the morning they stumble out and leave behind a mess.

I have no idea where these people come from, or how they get in. My apartment buildings are highly secure. I have two security badges, but I do not have access to any of the floors.