Chasing Rabbits – Advice #5.9/4

Posted on August 12, 2010


Ah yes, the mundane and common rabbit burrow….

Do not put your arm inside that rabbit hole. You will want to, very badly, but it is deceptively deep. Yes, of course. Don’t be absurd. Rabbits taste GREAT in stew. But if you reach into the dark hole and lose your balance, you will tumble like Alice down and down and down. Down? Down?? You mean like depression? No. Like two hundred feet to the bottom.

What? Rabbit holes? Is this really a rabbit hole?? God, let’s hope so. The alternative is that it’s the lair of some great, terrible monster with five beastly arms and a trunk that catches and holds you down by the waist. And monsters do horrid things. They sing to you all night and you never get to sleep. Or what if you’re pretty and they like how pretty you are so the monster keeps you?  Not because they’re attracted to you, or because they love you, but because possessing beauty has a certain pacifying effect on beasts that live in the dark. And on some men, too.

Rabbits or monsters (and can they sometimes be the same?), you will stay in that hole for quite some time. It will eventually grow dark and night will approach.  You will most likely have left your lantern at camp, hanging closely to your rabbit-less stew. And now you understand the evils of the stomach and how a proper person really shouldn’t go sticking anything into a dark burrow, even if their stomach says it’s all very normal and okay to do so. Leave that one to the hounds and the vermin.