Face Troubles – Curse #6028

Posted on May 25, 2010


He loves a lot of things. He loves his girlfriend. He also loves provolone, cheddar, and feta.

One day his girlfriend tells him about a face shop downtown.  She chats excitedly about how the faces all look and feel incredibly real. Her friend Cheryl got a new face there, she says, and no one could even tell it was a fake. If you trade in your old face, you even get a discount on the new one. What really catches his attention isn’t the idea of a new face but rather that all the faces are composed out of cheese.

Through a loving suggestion his girlfriend tells him to go to the face shop and not to come back until he’s managed to find a new, less abrasive look.  And so he goes. On the way he’s careful to avoid the store windows that reflect his current, monstrous visage. He’s careful to avoid other people, embarrassed that they might cower in fear at the sight of him. What would children do? Cry or point and giggle rudely?

At the face shop he cannot contain his excitement. There are free samples of every face, and he browses, tasting each one: symmetrical faces that resemble politicians, feminine faces with pouty lips, faces made to resemble bruised boxers and depressed poets. Some faces are moldy, but he knows that a good cheese sometimes needs a bit of mold.

He tastes every face and before long a problem arises because he is picky; he needs to please his girlfriend because he loves her so much. This means he has ingested a hell of a lot of dairy sampling each of the wares. He grows sick in the belly and feels ready to die.

While in a restroom, somewhere in the back of the face shop, he decides he no longer loves cheese. He isn’t sure but he thinks he may no longer love his girlfriend, either.

But the real moral of the story, he thinks to his self, is that after the constipation, the feeling of death in his bowels, and the self conscious examination of his features in a cloudy mirror, he still has that same damn face.

Posted in: Faces, Year 1: Curse