Feral pack animals – Paranoia #342B

Posted on April 30, 2010


Good morning ladies and gentlemen.

Spring is here and the feral squirrels are out again. They are following me around town, chattering in squirrel the most appropriate death they have in store for me. At times like this I value nature’s choice in having not created the squirrel as a carnivorous pack animal. I’m not sure we would have survived as a species.

Regardless of that musing, they like to play this terrible game. Something along lines of ‘chicken’. You know the game. It’s where two objects face off against one another and charge head first. The first to back off from the intended impact loses. Well I play that game with squirrels, against my will, and the little bastards always win.

I don’t want rabies. I don’t want bitten ankles.

A baby squirrel ran up to me the other day. It was cute. I mean really cute. I thought I might pet it, because it seemed very tame and very lost. I bent to do so, but it put it’s entire tail against it’s body, like a shield and chattered. I ran away. I mean, come on. Horror movies start like that.


I hate their little feet.